"It's glow" should be "Its glow". Darn apostrophes!

I don't like the rhythm. The language that you use, your diction, is great. I love nearly every line individually, but together they don't have any coherence together. Some of them are close, like "I wish I could float. / Like a kite on a soft breeze", but they don't pull enough weight to help the rest of the poem.

I'm not quite sure what "the pane in your bedroom window" means in comparison to "lucid".

Other than the way the lines don't work together, I like the mood of the poem and the imagery you use. You have a good balance of free, floating images, such as kites, dangling crystals, stars, etc., but you balance it with more realistic images. Even though it isn't the best written poem, it still means something--to me as well as to you and probably to others--and that matters more than how well it is written.

Muwahahahahaha.

--
If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. -- Carl Sagan

~superstitious13 and =shutterbug13 lured me here.
Maybe Dats Your Pwoblem Too

i have to disagree with Ben 101% i think is this might not be your best but its you... its your feelings and anyone else that reads it has some degree of relation i think it paints the last maybe five years of my life in perfect imagery i love it so much that i have grown to hate it then melted as i read it again in the last 2 min lol as for the title i have no idea.. lol great job viv

--
wow I can put whatever I want in this little box and a ton of people will be able to read it and maybe I can touch them on another level and allow them to feel something new and impowering.... neato..

Ohh Cupcakes

"I have penis envy"- kate-O

I must also disagree with Ben. I think academia focuses too much on the technicalities of literature, which means that we don't learn how to properly appreciate works like this. I less-than-three it, whether it's your best or not. The imagery isn't flowery and unrealistic like so many poems are these days. It's harsh and real, and it's you. *shrug* But then, what do I know? I'm a Psych major.

Im going to disagree with Ben aswell.. I love this one doll I love the imagery and everything, def a fave

well damn it i like this ^^ it's a free verse piece and that's just how it's going to be>< *hmph* I like the way you use your imagry and this is just awesome so i have faving it ^^

--
Keneran-Akeno

I want to be a prize and I want to be won!!

haha <div style="border:1px solid #5f677c; width:210px; min-height:54px; padding:4px; font: 11px verdana;"><a href="http://www.addictinggames.com/kittencannon.html?r=user_posted_link" style=

Thank you very much!

--
"No matter how much you think you love somebody, you'll step back when the pool of their blood edges up too close."

98% of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2% who hasn't, copy & paste this in your signature

you're welcome^^

--
Keneran-Akeno

I want to be a prize and I want to be won!!

haha <div style="border:1px solid #5f677c; width:210px; min-height:54px; padding:4px; font: 11px verdana;"><a href="http://www.addictinggames.com/kittencannon.html?r=user_posted_link" style=